the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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