that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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