I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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