walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
