dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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