shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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