i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
