im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
