and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
