put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
