i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
