Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
