he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize