We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Randomize
