I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
