It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.