i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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