Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.