Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE