i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
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she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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