if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
