I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I could fuck to npr.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
