The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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