It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
