I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
