my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
