Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
