The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He better not be in your backpack
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
