one might say we're banned from that church
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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