Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
