shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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