p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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