he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
