but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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