Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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