this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
