you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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