I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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