have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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