First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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