you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it hurts more in the daytime
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
