Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
