So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
