So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
