some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
