Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.

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(510): View more from California

well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it

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(919): View more from North Carolina

She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."

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(952): View more from Minnesota

pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,

(679): View more from Michigan

I wanted to be a dolphin.

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(216): View more from Ohio

Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.

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