good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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