Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
