Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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