people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
