Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
