Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
