If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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