I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
