just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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