Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
