i just wanna soil my oats bro
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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