He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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