Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
