Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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